


Senses, Lost and Found and Lost (Again)

by drowsystar



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: 11k wordvomit, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Basically just me writing something for art I made haha, Canon-Typical Violence, Established Soul/Maka, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Blood, One-Shot, and also me wanting Deathstar content....., anxious Death the Kid, both parties overthinking things, lovesick Black Star but he has no idea he’s lovesick, probably ooc ...... i hope not tho i really did my best, this ship: underrated, ”&” means friends btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:47:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23731822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drowsystar/pseuds/drowsystar
Summary: In which Blackstar deals with his thoughts after losing Death the Kid to some whackass bookkeeper, finding him, losing him again, and realizing a lot of things on his way to get him back for the second time.
Relationships: Black Star & Nakatsukasa Tsubaki, Black Star/Death the Kid, Maka Albarn/Soul Eater Evans
Comments: 19
Kudos: 145





	Senses, Lost and Found and Lost (Again)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello ! I haven’t uploaded anything in here for a LONG while... That’s because I don’t always write— and when I do they’re usually unfinished,,,, haha
> 
> ANYWAY I hope you like this random thing ! I’d like to thank Sylvie and Fia for gassing me up in our Clown gc as I write these idiots in love. Also for supplying me with tips for writing Certain Things (,,,, like kisses).

He’s thinking of black hair and dumb golden eyes.

First thing in the morning.

_Great._

Kicking ass in that big castle was a pain, but he can’t really say it was worth it like how fights were to him. Today is a first for many things; day one with blood in his hands, day one fearing a child because of said blood in his hands, and day one without Kid.

Blackstar had always started his mornings early to work out, but he’s taking a break for today. His wounds from the fight yesterday still hurt— both physical and not— and he’s… Honestly just not in the mood.

With a soft groan, he sits up from the bed. The sudden movement sent sharp pains from underneath his bandages, with him ignoring it despite stinging enough to pull a hiss out of his lips. Wounds, injuries, bruises— all have been a part of his routine and the scars littered all over his body was enough proof. He never backed down from a fight, even if—

_“Didn’t you tell me you’d surpass god ?”_

No. _That’s_ another kind of wound.

His throat felt dry. His body felt sore and he couldn't see with his other eye either, being wrapped in bandages and all that crap, so his limited sight only gave him the view of his legs and his wrapped-up arms. Blackstar had a hunch that he looked a lot like a mummy who got out of its golden coffin and ~~symmetrical~~ pyramid…

Ah, right. Water. He turned towards the nightstand and squinted at it; all he found was an apple (probably from Maka), a vase full of sunflowers, a water bottle, a lunchbox with a sticky note stuck on the lid, and a fresh change of clothes. Sighing, Blackstar reached to take the lunchbox, straining a little.   
  


_“Good morning, Star ! If you’re feeling up to it, hop by with us— we’re all on school grounds at the entrance. Maka and Soul have flying lessons and we’re just tagging along. I brought you a pair of clothes and breakfast— I hope you like it !_

_PS: If you need something else, just tell me through our resonance._

_— Tsu :D “_

…

It’s safe to say that he’s done being salty about waking up, now. Tsubaki had always been a comfort to him during these times, but the gesture struck him a little more than it should because she _knew._

Being partners meant their souls were connected, and hiding feelings from a soul resonance is basically impossible— dormant or not. She was there when Kid handed his ass back to him after he went on a rampage; she was also there when he found out he was kidnapped. Last night was the one night he felt like the world was being shit on him and _only him,_ and he was thankful she was there to soothe him from angry sobs.

His chest felt heavy, but he knew sulking wouldn’t do crap. Even if it did, he’d rather flaunt his bandages out there than rot in bed all day.

With that in mind, he grabs the lunchbox and swung his legs to the side of the bed, pushing himself on his feet.  
  


* * *

  
He was training in his room when Tsubaki came running from the door. Tsubaki _never_ slammed his door open, not until today.

“Death room. Now.”

He keeps his gaze on the floor, focused on keeping himself upright with only two of his fingers in a handstand. A small pool of sweat had collected right underneath his forehead.

“Mission ?”

“Yes, but it’s high priority,” she reached into his drawer for a shirt. She was in a rush— that took his attention enough to raise his gaze to see her feet.

“What’s up ?”

“They’ve found a way to save Kid,” she mutters, breathless. “They’re summoning spartoi to discuss the plan. Maka and Soul are on the way and the sisters are waiting for us.”

There was something in her voice that told him she ran all the way from the academy to tell him that in person, because she knew how much he’d been thinking of a way to get to _him_. After hearing it, Blackstar was quick to hop on his feet.

She tosses him the fresh flower-scented apparel. Blackstar catches it and slips it on.

* * *

“Only one of you is allowed to enter the next chapter.”

Does he deserve to be _that_ one person ?

His thoughts were as loud as his complaints to the tiny guide. Blackstar didn’t have much sensing abilities unlike Maka and _him,_ but the madness seething from the portal was strong enough to send shivers down his spine. He’d be worried for his own ass if he wasn’t worried for Kid first.

If they sent Liz or Patty down there, none of them would make it back. He didn’t underestimate the sisters; he just knew how much they admired Kid. They wouldn’t put a hole in that body of his.

He admired him, too— he did in terms of rivalry. But unlike the sisters, Blackstar spoke clearer with his fists than with words.

This was his chance.

“I’ll go,” he states, earning startled stares from the others. He’d already walked towards the portal—

“Blackstar, you need to think this through—“

“I’ll be fine, Tsu,” was all he said before patting her head. The sheer thought of being able to return the caring gesture pulled the corner of his lips into a grin.

“I’ll drag him out with me if I have to. I promise you; I _will_ be back with him.”

After that, he hops into the portal. Little did they know, his words were meant more for himself than everyone else in the team.

* * *

As he’s falling, he can’t help but feel… fear. Blackstar had always been a man of confidence; in the craziest times, he’s known to pull through impossible feats with a huge grin on his face. He put on a show that all of it was nothing, and maybe…

Maybe that wasn’t really the case.

He’d always been scared. He fears he’d end up in the same path as his father, no matter how many times he tries to avoid it. He fears the thought of people seeing past his bravado and seeing the side of him he’d kept from everyone, even himself— the side that cowered behind the towering walls of self-esteem he built. He’s afraid of thinking in battle like how Maka does because that’s not his way of fighting, but... Without Kid as a reminder of his goals, he’d been spiraling in random trains of thoughts, may it be mid-battle or bed time.

He gets bored of falling while standing up. He decided to lean back and do a flip for the fun of it.

His blue hair was tousled back and grew even more of a spiky mess from the fall. Air whipped harshly against his skin— how does a book have _air_ in it ?— and it made his face itch, so he decided to hide half his face in his scarf. He’d been staring down the entire time and he still saw no end from the abyss under him, making him wonder; did Kid fall _this_ long, too ?

Ah, _Kid_.

He’d been trying to avoid letting the Death God fester his mind too much, but at this rate, he had no choice. It’s time to admit that he— a totally superior God— is thinking of the boy with _stupid_ golden eyes and _dumb_ lines on his hair.

On the first day of meeting each other, Blackstar only saw a big red target on him. Kid _is_ a god, after all; and his goal is to transcend godhood; to him, Kid meant nothing other than an obstacle in his glorious path.

Then, the red tag on the death god started to fade as soon as he spent more time with him. Apparently, there’s more to him than just his status; other than his obsession with symmetry and balance, Kid also had a liking for skulls. Everything he had has skulls in it; the rings in his hands, his brooch, his skateboard, his home— _everything._ It’s probably a family thing seeing as the school and the city itself is littered with skulls, but he’d never seen someone who shared the same sentiments as keeping specific symbols for themselves before. He realized that skulls to Kid were what stars meant for him; a symbol of their presence. Something they’re associated with.

Kid also had a liking for dark, monotone things. He wore nothing of color— if he did, it was _rare_ — and he seemed to match his clothes with the lines on his head. He also liked to read because Kid mentioned that he had his own library in the mansion. It was surprising to know he had manga; it was the first thing they _actually_ agreed on without the expense of it being less annoying, and they’ve grown closer ever since.

He didn’t know when picking on him went from hating him to hating the stone-faced expression he always had. The line between it has blurred when he started crashing in the mansion to read comics in his library, often being scolded by him about being able to read for entertainment but not for school. The line faded when he laughed his ass off at how Kid had no idea what cotton candy was. He’d forgotten about the line being there in the first place when he took note of how much he rolled his eyes at him, or bit his lip, or the times he’d yelled at him to clean up after the books he’s read—

Of course it was weird. He’d never felt like it before; he’d been too busy thinking about how he’d rise higher than the gods to even think of the way he’s feeling. Kid snorting at a joke he made gave him good shivers in his spine and it doesn’t happen with everyone else— trust him, he _checked—_ and it’s kept him up at night for numerous times.

Staying up at night had screwed his routine over by a tenfold. He slept late, woke up late, and barely had energy to train—

He got tired of it.

_“This is ridiculous. Tsubaki— am I cursed ? Is this a spell ? Did that dumbass do something to me ?”_

_“Should I be blunt ?”_

_“Yes._ Please _.”_

_“It sounds like you’re helplessly in love with Kid.”_

_He squints at that. Tsubaki gave him a You-Allowed-Me shrug._

_“I don’t fall in love. That’s utter bullshit.”_

_“Having feelings for someone isn’t a weakness, Star,”_ Tsubaki’s voice from when he asked for advice rang in his head. _“Liking someone is unprecedented. Unpredictable. It’s very different from the battles you’re used to.”_

 _“But it’s dumb,” he answers back in a grumble, turning away with a hand scratching at his head. “I’m supposed to transcend godhood; how will I do that if I gain feelings for a God_ _? Warriors don’t get weak in the knees because someone smiles at them. Or calls them a “brat”. They don’t get flustered when their rival answers back to taunts with “prove it”. It’s all so confusing to me.”_

_Tsubaki chuckles at that. It wasn’t mocking at all— it felt more like a mother listening to a child complain about why cookies had crumbs that made a mess. Blackstar refused to look her way and it didn’t take long until he felt a hand on his head, pulling an annoyed huff from him._

_“I think you need to give it a little more thought_ _. Sure, it started off as rivalry and the urge to defeat him, but— you clearly fell in love with him halfway through it all. If it’s distracting you from your life’s goals, that’s okay; it’ll sort itself out soon enough.”_

_Finally, he spares her a glance. Tsubaki always had the best advice; may it be battle tactics, dinner choices, or just life in general._

_“It’ll all fall into place. Love and feelings work that way.”_

He refused to give it any thought the day after that. He remained “normal”, deciding to pass off whatever he felt as a temporary thing that’d go away soon enough. He pretended the son of death didn’t bother him at all, only for it to bite him in the ass at the end…

Losing battles he picked put him in a chokehold of overwhelming emotions, spiraling self-confidence and self-doubt—

 _“Didn’t you tell me you’d surpass God ?”_ was all he heard before his conscious faded away.

That was the last time he’d seen him. Blackstar refused to let it be the final.

Apparently, he’d been thinking for too fucking long, because he fell right past Kid. He was quick to stand on his feet, floating along the abyss with nothing to step on, but—

“Kid !” He grins at him, feeling the familiar rush in his veins. When Kid stared back with _nothing_ in his eyes, it dawned on him that this wasn’t _him._

* * *

The fight against Noah was exhausting. He felt bad for Maka the most because when they got out of the book, she was already hunched on Soul’s back because she was unable to walk.

But things went well. None of them were dead, and that was enough; Kid was being smothered by the sisters so he decided not to interfere.

“What happened there ?” Tsubaki looked him over with curious eyes, and he knew she was referring to something else. “How did you save him ?”

“Well—“ the assassin in question cleared his throat. “...I kicked his ass.”

“And ?”

“Apparently, his madness is about removing everything in the world because ultimate balance is impossible. I went a little mad too, but—“

“ _Star_ ,” Tsubaki stared at him in the eye. “You brought him back. That’s all that matters. What I meant when I asked is that— have you _told_ him ?”

Ah, god. He was avoiding that question in particular.

_“I see you’re back, Death God.”_

_Kid snorts at that tiny remark. “Thanks to you. I owe you one.”_

_“Deadass,” the assassin crosses his arms, a confident grin slipping in his features. “I can convert it to manga, y’know ?”_

_“You still have more to read in my library. As always, you are free to crash in anytime—“ he pauses, “—… as long as it’s in a reasonable time, that is. Please don’t come over in, like— 3 AM.”_

_“Oh,_ now _I definitely need to come over at 3 AM.”_

_“Blackstar, I will hurl you out of the mansion with my bare hands.”_

_They ended up staring each other down, waiting if the other had something more to say. When the silence hung around a little too long, Blackstar broke the ice by stifling a laugh; it was contagious and Kid found himself laughing, too. There were tears in their eyes— Kid was the first to get over it, but he was hunched on his back with a hand clutching on his stomach._

_God, only now did he realize how much he longed for that. Blackstar knew that he was born way ahead of his time, which was probably why he realized things only when they were late._

_“This is—“ Blackstar mumbles as his laughter fades. “This is good. I missed laughing with you like that.”_

_“Huh,” the Death God chuckles. “You_ missed _me ? That’s not something I expected from you.”_

_What he said pretty much slapped him in the face. Blackstar ended up staring, eyebrows furrowed—_

_“Did I say that out loud ?”_

_Kid rolls his eyes, leading him to the exit from the chapter. “Yes, Star. I heard it loud and clear. It’s very sweet; you should talk about missing me more often.”_

_“H-hey—“ Blackstar followed after him, grumbling under his breath. “Why are you acting like I’m not allowed to feel things ? I know I’m Great, but you act like missing you is— is, uh— something special !”_

_“Is it not ?” Kid eyes him, brows slightly raised._

_“I-I—well,“ His cheeks grew red, and the death god had the audacity to smirk. “It’s not ! I miss other things too ! You’re giving yourself too much credit, you damned shinigami !”_

_“Alright. If you say so.”_

“I’m taking spacing out as a no,” Tsubaki stifles a laugh. “You are adorable, Blackstar. I must admit that this side of you is quite entertaining.”

Upon being pulled back to reality, he could only sigh in defeat. He was about to speak but they were interrupted by a loud scream from behind them; panic bubbling in Blackstar’s throat as they turned.

Both were standing a few feet away, frozen to the ground as Soul choked sobs and tightly hunched over his meister to cradle her in his arms. There was laughter from somewhere behind them and god, _God—_ he knew that chuckle but didn’t at the same time.

“Kid— what the _hell_ are you doing ?!” It was Liz’s stingy voice that rang in the area. Patty was still stunned by the entire thing to even do anything.

Blackstar could barely rip his eyes away from his _hopefully just_ unconscious friend, blood pooling on the ground beneath them at an alarming rate. He finally connects the dots. He turns to Kid with a scowl, wide-eyed and just as shocked as the others.

“You…” His hands balled into fists.

“Oh, _damn_ ,” a maddened Kid mumbles with a soft smirk, leaning back and flaunting splattered blood that dripped on his cheek. “Sorry.”  
  


He didn’t understand. He already saved Kid; he was sure he got him back before they left the goddamn book. Frustration festered in his veins; did he miss _something_ he shouldn’t have ?

What the fuck is _this ?_

Tsubaki transforms into a katana, settling in his hands before finishing the process. She felt heavy but only because he didn't want to fight.

“That’s not him,” Tsubaki reminds him firmly, shaking some sense back in his head. “You know Kid well, Blackstar; he would never hurt Maka. Something else must have taken hold of his mind.”

“I am _so_ done with this mission,” Liz spat in pure spite, transforming into a pistol for her sister. Patty was eerily silent— she wore a serious expression Blackstar had never seen before, aiming the barrel at him without hesitation.

“One down,” the jet black lines were back on his lips again, gazing at Patty as if she were prey. “Five more to go.”

“Blackstar, what the _fuck_ happened in that book ?!” It was Soul who screamed at him from the sidelines. He had used his jacket to stop blood from the hole Kid shoved in her gut with his bare hand, determined to keep his meister alive at all costs.

“I _saved_ him ! I know I did—“ the assassin flinches as gunshots rained from Patty, who still refused to utter a word. Kid had lunged towards her in a sprint, bloodied hands ready to stab like a drill.

“He doesn’t look saved to me— he fucking punched a hole in her body !”

“I can SEE that !” Blackstar yells back in annoyance, sprinting towards Kid with his blade ready. “I don’t know what’s happening either !”

The way Kid dodged his swings and ran after Patty gave him time to sort his thoughts. _Fuck,_ thinking in battle scared the crap out of him because his reflexes weren’t as fast, but he had to. 

What did he miss ? What led to _this ?_ Kid laughed and joked with him before they left— _that_ was ~~his~~ Kid. That’s the one he spent time taunting and throwing hands with.

But alas, thinking wasn’t his strongest suit. He’d rattled his head but he got _nothing_ to explain why he’d lost control again. Frustration built in his veins and he was mad, he was _angry,_ pissed off—

Patty is well on her feet, but Kid was a god and humans had limited stamina. When she tried to catch her breath, Kid jumped on her like a wolf—

With a battlecry, Blackstar tackles him halfway through it, rolling on the dirt and making sure he landed on top of him. Both of them ended up in a series of coughing and pained grunts. He was quick to place the blade against the god’s throat, chest heaving from the move.

“You little _shit_ ,” he mutters under his breath, words seething with anger. Kid stared back at him with golden eyes filled with amusement, not even flinching even when his skin started drawing blood from contact with the katana blade.

“Who are you ? You’re not Kid,” God, did his voice waver from just saying his _name ?_ “Kid would _never_ hurt Maka.”

“He just did, didn't he ?” He grins at him, infuriating Blackstar a little more. “You should go, y’know. She’s not dead yet _,_ but she will be if you stay here.”

“Not when you’re like _this.”_

Their exchange gave Kid enough time to form an escape plan. With a smirk, he grabs the blade with his bloodied hand and pushes it off of him, not giving a shit when it cut his palm. Blackstar immediately noticed the self-destructive move and before he even remembered how fast he healed, he pulled the blade away in fear of hurting him further. He played right into the reaper’s hands and in turn, Kid shoved him aside harshly.

“Maka, _please,”_ Soul’s sobs from behind them felt _dangerously_ contagious. “Stay with me—“

Despite landing face-first in dirt, Blackstar knew better than to turn and look at the pair. He regained enough strength to raise his gaze from the blade in his hands, getting back on his feet.

“I saved you once... I’ll do it again,” he growls under his breath as encouragement for himself. He had more to say but he bit back when he caught himself staring at golden eyes he didn’t recognize.

Those eyes looked at him with anything but _that._ Kid had glared at him in anger, disappointment, irritance, frustration— he understood he _was_ a lot to handle sometimes, but he never heard him express it other than their meaningless banter and slamming him to the floor when they spar. In contrast to these, Kid always had a soft look in his eyes whenever Star told a joke, may it be something he understood or not. There was a tenderness in his gaze and Blackstar yearned for it every time.

He didn’t want Maka to die. He didn’t want to leave Kid, either. Deciding he’d thought this through enough, he kept his gaze pinned at Kid, who patiently awaited his next move.

“Go,” Blackstar states in his coldest voice yet, earning an amused hum from the death god in front of him. “Soul, take everyone and _go.”_

“What— what the _fuck_ do you mean _go—“_

“Are you _nuts ?!_ We’re not leaving Kid behind again, we’re staying—“

“You guys trust me, right ?!” He’s doing his best not to look back. “I’m the only one who can kick his ass— if we all stay, we _all_ fucking die !”

The call seemed to entertain Kid. He didn’t care if they made it out alive or not, he only cared about wiping _this_ obnoxious brat off the map because what he said wasn’t a lie; out of all of them, he’s the only one with chances of beating him in this state.

And it’s not like Kid wasn’t up for the challenge. If he wanted to wipe everything out, he’d have to start with him.

It was Patty who agreed first. Eerily silent, she walked towards Soul and helped him up on his feet. Maka remained in his arms and the poor scythe was barely there; she gave him a hard squeeze on the shoulder. “I trust him.”

“Patty, you _can’t_ be serious—“ Liz’s face flashes in the gun. “We’re leaving Kid ? _Again ?”_

“We’d be dead if we don’t. Would you rather die in his hands and have him deal with the aftermath ?”

Kid smirks. “You have wise friends, _Star Clan._ ”

The nickname almost popped a vein in Blackstar’s body. It’s what hit the nail on the head; _he’d never refer to him like that._

_“It’s just a tattoo,” he justifies with a sigh, laying his head on a small stack of books. “I’m not from the Star Clan. At least— I don’t think I am.”_

_“Is that so ?” Next to him was Kid, who sat on his knees with a book on his lap. He’s doing research; Blackstar was here for_ manga _research. “That’s interesting. Care to elaborate ?”_

_“I mean— the Star Clan is infamous for genocide and eating human souls, right ? Well, me; I don’t do that at all. Hell, I’m even collecting kishin souls for Lord Death—“_

_“_ —Will _collect. You haven’t gotten any.”_

_Said boy raises a brow. “Masamune ?”_

_“Tsubaki’s work.”_

_“Shut the fuck up._ I _helped with that— It’s teamwork !”_

_A hearty chuckle came from the shinigami as he flipped through the pages of an old book. Blackstar took the time to watch him for a bit, taking in the calming presence of the prodigy kid right next to him._

_If he didn’t know who he was right off the bat, he’d think he’s just a normal boy with love towards textbooks and skulls and neatness. Symmetry, too, that stupid thing—_

_“If you’re staring because you’re waiting for me to be confused from your views, you’d be staring forever.”_

_“...What—“_

_“Your jaw, Star. On the floor,” Kid coyly grins at him. Blackstar rolls his eyes in response, turning his gaze to the ceiling. “I do think that’s a good way to see things. I assume it's quite offensive when people judge you based on your family background, hm ?”_

_“Well, yeah. It’s real shitty when you’re trying to save ass and they refuse because I have a dumb tattoo on my Nice Bicep,” Blackstar shrugs nonchalantly, a grin creeping in his features. “But it adds to the challenge. I’ll prove them wrong so they eat all the crappy shit they say to me.”_

_There was only silence for a bit. Blackstar did a mental count to ten before shooting him a look, only to find him smiling fondly down his book. It didn’t seem like what made him look so soft came from the pages, though._

_“I see. I’m glad you trusted me enough to tell me all of this,” he flips a page. “If I ever refer to you as your family lineage, I give you permission to kick my ass.”_

_“...Really ?”_

_“Yeah,” he shrugs. “It would only mean I am not thinking straight.”_

As soon as he feels his friends leave with their eyes lingering on him, Blackstar raises the katana and lunges at Kid. He really didn’t need that memory in his head right now— it was distracting because he kept comparing _his_ Kid to the one right in front of him and it’s making tears brim in his eyes. Tsubaki seemed to feel the struggle because he felt their resonance rate rise, reminding him of what he was fighting for.

“I’ll snap your head back in its _fucking_ place !” The assassin screams with all his might, shadows crawling in his skin as Enchanted Sword mode activates—

The swing doesn’t make it through. Kid stands still in place, stance radiating confidence and sheer mockery.

“You’re pathetic,” he mutters under his breath, grinning at Blackstar so coyly. He stood there and didn’t even flinch; the blade from Blackstar’s sword rattled on his shoulder and that’s when the assassin realized how bad he was trembling.

His hands, no matter how bandaged or wounded, _never_ failed him. Blackstar wasn’t the hesitant type; if he wanted to defeat something, he did it with no effort. Winning has come naturally to him.

And yet, when Kid looked at him with a trace of taunting in his golden eyes, the creeping feeling of loss settled in his veins. It was heavier than what he remembered; had he won too much to forget what losing felt like ?

Or was _this_ kind of defeat heavier ?

He knew he wouldn’t do it— that alone threw him off his guard. He was distracted and Kid took that chance. In a swift motion, he grabbed Tsubaki out of his grasp, tossing it far away. The sword clangs on the floor and Kid chuckles at the sound of it.

“You know damn well you can’t harm me with that weapon of yours _,”_ he takes one step closer towards him. “You can’t harm me with _any_ weapon at all. You’re hiding something and I know what.”

Shit. 

_Shit._

Blackstar had a foreboding feeling that he was referring to a specific secret, but he refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing him panic. He had to bluff his way out of this one— he _had_ to take him by surprise.

“I’m not hiding _anything_ ,” his lips quivered as he aggressively wipes at the traitorous tears on his cheeks. “You’re that goop thing, aren’t you ?”

“Am I ?” The reaper child kept inching close. “Do you believe that ?”

“What the fuck do you want ?! You’re out of the book— fucking _leave_ Kid alone !”

With or without Tsubaki, this was a losing battle because he’d never hurt Kid fatally, even if he'd gone mad. He did suffer injuries from the fight against Noah and he was starting to grow sloppy with his attacks... He had to snap him back to his senses or he’d die with just a flick of the shinigami’s wrist.

Patty’s last words rang in his head. Blackstar refused to die like that.

“ _He’s trying to distract you,_ ” Tsubaki warned through their link. “ _Don’t let it get under your skin.”_

Her words shook him out of his deafening thoughts. Instantly, Blackstar turned to his weapon and made a run for it.

He was a few steps away from the katana when something wet and slimy grabbed at his ankle. It held him back and Blackstar tripped, landing chest-first to the ground with a loud thud. He groans out of pain as he tries to recover, bits of white flashing around his sight.

The next thing he knew, he was being lifted off the ground by his collar. Blackstar struggled against it, but a cold hand wrapped around his throat and he was rendered unable to breathe.

“You’re a hindrance to my plans. I need to get rid of you before I get rid of this flawed, _flawed_ world.”

His feet were hanging in the air and he wriggled helplessly from it. Blackstar tried clawing and prying at his hand, but Kid’s grip was strong and it barely did anything.

Black dots danced around his vision and tears brimmed in his eyes as he tried to breathe. It felt so close to breaking his neck; he was afraid, but not because of his impending death— he’s terrified of the thought of _Kid_ dealing with the aftermath. That alone gave him more pain than asphyxiation.

He’d blame himself for everything. Blackstar didn’t want that.

“Kid—“ Ah, _shit,_ that came off as a wheeze more than a word— “I know you’re in there— _fight it—_ “

As soon as he said those words, the grip he had started to grow loose. There was a flash in those golden eyes and it didn’t go unnoticed, but Blackstar was starting to struggle with keeping his eyes open.

Meanwhile, his pleads weren’t for vain. The flash was gone as soon as it came but it pissed Kid off, because he harshly tossed him aside.

He landed on his back against a tree, pain searing throughout his body like spilled ink. He then slid down to the ground and for a moment, his eyes remained shut as he tried to breathe— coughing and wheezing for air with his heart hammering in his chest. Fresh blood dripped from his head and the dried tracks of it on his cheek felt crusty, his matted hair giving him a familiar sense of nostalgia because crap like these were normal for him. 

_“Fuck”_ was the one thing his brain managed to think of. He was lightheaded and his body begged him to stay where he was, barely able to see anything other than his blurred pants and the bright red stains that dripped from his chin. His heart had calmed down a little, so did his breathing, but it felt like those were his only working parts left.

“I expected a better fight than this, to be honest. I thought I’d at least gain a broken bone or two.”

Finally, he glances back up towards the “shinigami”, who took his weapon in his hands as delicately as possible. From his skin dropped something jet black and when Blackstar blinked to see better, it looked like ink and it was the same color as the lines on his face.

He was right. It was _that_ thing, after all.

“I’m disappointed,” Kid drags a finger towards the edge of the blade, holding it as if he were to snap a twig—

Panic rushed in his veins, and so did pain. Blackstar was about to scream but the sword poofed into nothing, smoke bursting in its place.

 _Smoke bomb._ Relief settled in his gut and he used the visual distraction to push himself back on his feet, stumbling a little as he forced his nausea at the back of his head. _Speed Star,_ he mumbles under his breath, feeling the skill activate as his wavelength rattled on his skin. When the smoke cleared into his hands, he was already out of sight— hidden in the shadows like how the rules in his head stated. 

He needed a break and he had to find a way to separate that thing from Kid. He’d seen how massive it was, so he assumed that _this_ was just a part of it that got out of the book. Nevermind trying to find out how it left the pages with them— all that mattered now is for him to get rid of it.

He leans back against the trunk of a tree, breathing as silently as possible. Then, he props the katana up so he could look right at it.

“I don’t know what to do,” he finally admits, voice cracking from desperation he didn’t know he felt. “That was _dumb_ luck— I can’t hurt him, I just—“

“Your wavelength,” Tsubaki’s face flashed from the blade. “Shock him with it.”

“I’m not Maka, I don’t have the anti-demon thing— would that even work ?“

“It doesn’t matter,” her voice had a firm tone in it. “You’re not Maka, you’re _Blackstar;_ you think with your fists and your heart. Wake him up and remind him of who he is by forcing him to see you as _you—_ a friend, a knucklehead, and certainly more than just something to erase.”

The assassin finds himself staring at her in surprise. Tsubaki gives him a soft, knowing smile. “You got this.”

He realizes three things at once: One, he’s been stuck in his head this entire fight. Two, what he showed back there was fucking pathetic— but reasonable. And three, he cared for Kid more than what he thought. Nothing else would have fucked him up like this other than the risk of him dying in the hands of a maddened Kid.

“I can feel your wavelength behind that tree. Hiding is no use,” the mentioned boy taunts from behind him, words sending a few chills down Blackstar’s spine. They were laced in insanity and he was so, _so_ tired of it.

But now, he knew what he had to do. His head still hurt but his thoughts were clearer than before, paving way for a smirk in his features. Blackstar steps out of his hiding place as he spins the katana in his hand, faking bravado until it reignites his in-born confidence.

That seemed to confuse Kid, because he raised a brow at the sudden change of atmosphere from the other. Blackstar took note of it and his grin only grew wider.

“ ‘Sup ? _Blinded_ ?” He snickers before activating Speed Star again, sprinting towards him with an upward swing. Unlike earlier, Kid actually makes an effort to dodge the oncoming attack; he leant back and counter-attacked with a punch. It fazed him when Blackstar didn’t bother dodging it, taking the blow with nothing but a flinch and another busted part in his lips.

“What the _fuck_ ,” the shinigami mutters under his breath, eyebrows furrowed at the lack of fear from the blue-haired boy. Blackstar snorts at the remark, freeing one hand from the katana handle as electricity crackles from his fingertips.

Kid was barely able to duck when he tried to shock him with his wavelength.

“I’ve always had it,” Blackstar replies in pure confidence. “Kinda misplaced it earlier, but I’ve found it again.”

This was pissing Kid off. Wasn’t he trembling a while ago ? Hell, he couldn’t even swing that stupidly asymmetrical sword without tears in his eyes; this boy was supposed to refuse any attempt of hurting him at all because according to what he saw earlier, he held a special place for him in his heart.

“You can’t harm me,” he spits out, voice wavering from the look Blackstar gave. “This body is _still_ half-human, he’d certainly _die—“_

“Yeah ? Sure,” he makes another move towards him again, wavelength dangerously sparking from his hand. Blackstar takes notice of the distance he’s trying to put between them instead of returning his attacks.

“Let him die. Fuck him, I told him I’d kick his ass because I’m a better god— it’s about time I get to do _just_ that.”

The more confused he got, the more it was easier for Blackstar to bluff. He really didn’t mean all that, but… At the same time, he’s always had the knack of talking down at Kid and him replying with the same things. To him, this felt more like their casual banter.

“You’re _lying,”_ ink dripped from Kid’s hand as the lines on his lips started to flicker. Blackstar could feel his own adrenaline rise; he’d locked himself an opening for his wavelength burst and this was his chance.

“It’s all a bluff ! You’re not going to kill me, you lo—“

He was cut off when Blackstar hissed, taking a short sprint and throwing a punch. It lands square in the face of the shinigami and it sends him back, feet skidding on the ground beneath them. Blackstar tackles him to the ground, pinning him down before he could even recover.

 _Come home_ , he mutters through an exhale, pressing his hand on Kid’s chest and releasing _every_ ounce of wavelength he had in him. The sheer impact created a huge crater beneath the both of them, concrete cracked with dust bursting in the air.

_Come back to me._

* * *

A day has passed since the incident. Things have calmed down for now, but there were still problems that laid ahead of them: the kishin, Crona, Noah—

Maka turned out fine, thankfully. Soul and the others brought her to the hospital in time, but she still needed bedrest for a few days. Blackstar was in a separate room because he had other complications— in fact, he had _a lot;_ broken ribs, bruises, a soul drained of energy, numerous concussions, cuts and a few more broken bones in other places—

Kid had a lot to think about.

_The first thing he felt after gasping for air was a sore body. It felt like someone rattled him like popcorn; his insides felt like they were flipped upside-down and he wanted to throw up. It was hard to breathe because something heavy sat on his stomach and when he squints to see—_

_Blue. Blue hair, tanned skin, white clothes with red stains. It was hard to make out his features but he knew right away that this was Blackstar; there was no one else who would pin him down on the ground as if he was paper._

_Hot liquid dropped on his cheek, and he had no idea where it came from. He furrowed his eyebrows at it, groaning and raising a hand to wipe it off, finding it a little disgusting..._

_“Kid—?” A warm, trembling hand pretty much patted his cheek. “Kid— please, tell me you’re Kid—“_

_When his sight grew a bit clearer, he found himself staring back at a pair of teary teal eyes, connecting the dots and realizing that the stuff from earlier were tears. He then tried to speak, but his throat felt dry and his voice cracked. Kid swallowed a bit before trying again._

_“Why are you crying,“ he grumbles, feeling more awake as each second passes. “Are you okay? What happened—“_

_“Oh, thank_ fuck,” _the assassin mumbles under his breath in glee, shoulders dropping in relief. “It worked…! Holy shit— I did… I did it—“_

_He was interrupted by pained coughs, and Kid lets out a low grunt from the sudden weight when he collapsed on top of him. He was beyond confused at this point— what did he mean by that ?_

_What the fuck happened ?_

_He forced himself to sit, holding the trembling assassin up. Only then did he get a closer look; panic bubbled in his throat at the sight of him battered with injuries, half of his face covered with blood and skin bruised all over. Fresh blood trailed from the corner of his lips._

_“Star ?” he mumbles, words stiff as he holds him up from his shoulders. ”Fuck, you‘re coughing out blood—“_

_“I’m fine,“ he’s struggling to stay awake, only to have his massive frame racked by low wheezing._

_“You’re_ not _fine, you idiot— we need to get you to Stein ! Blackstar—“_

_Kid froze in his spot when his head hung low, body giving up on him before Kid could even finish his sentence. It was scary; Blackstar’s wavelength was faint and he gave him aggressive nudges, trembling as he struggled to keep him upright._

_The last thing he remembered before slipping away earlier was a voice whispering senseless crap to him. Now, his_ friend _laid unmoving in his arms and he would’ve started screaming if not for Tsubaki, who helped him up on his feet._

_“Come,” she smiles at him, but it was obvious she was worried for her meister. “I’ll tell you everything when we get there.”  
_

He was mad at himself for letting _that_ thing take the reins long enough to hurt his friends— _him—_ like this. When he passed by Soul in the hallway on his way here, he barely spared him a glance; he could tell he was wary of his presence and Kid didn’t blame him at all. He’d seen what he did to Maka and the fact that she’s been unconscious ever since was enough reason to avoid him, if not fear.

Which is why he didn’t understand why Tsubaki didn’t feel the same. When she arrived, Kid was already there— but due to his encounter with Soul earlier, he decided to get up and leave.

“No, no,” she says, gentle as ever. “It’s alright. I just dropped by to leave some fruits in case he wakes up tonight.”

He could only give her a curt nod. As she said, she walked towards the nightstand and left him a basket of assorted fruits. It confused him because Blackstar mentioned that he only liked apples and bananas, but he wasn’t in the mood to ask.

The atmosphere felt cold and heavy. When she turned to leave, Kid was ready to lay his head on the bed.

“...He’ll be alright, Kid,” Tsubaki reassures him with a hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. “Please, don’t beat yourself up over this. It wasn’t your fault.”

He didn’t believe that; Not at _all—_ not when Blackstar was unconscious in a bed with injuries and a brittle soul.

Tsubaki took his silence as her cue to leave. She figured he needed some space and she was more than willing to give it.

As soon as he heard the door click, Kid let go of a heavy sigh. He was left staring at the sleeping assassin, comparing the way he always bounced on his feet and the way he laid still on the bed at the moment. The faint beeps from the machine was the only sound in the room, echoing like his thoughts.

Blackstar’s smile, his grin, the way he snorts and his boastful chuckles— they never waver. It’s painful how bright the atmosphere is when he's awake and wreaking havoc, because things are _dull_ and cold when he isn't. It felt a lot like flying too high and falling thrice as hard on concrete; he’s gotten _so_ used to his overpowering presence next to his silent, broody one, it felt wrong to not have him by his side.

He knew he’d loved him ever since he found himself watching the way he struggled to read. He knew when they laughed together and it was the safest feeling he’s ever felt, even better than the feeling he got from reassurance his father gave. He knew when he noticed that somehow, the sky was brighter and he couldn’t give a shit about how chaotic his hair or his clothes were.

He knew for a while. He just refused to act on it.

_“He could’ve died,” Stein says with a soft sigh. “It seemed like he was willing to, seeing as he poured everything he had to snap you back to your senses. His soul on its own is huge and it takes a lot to do that to someone like him.”_

_Kid merely stares, shock faintly evident in his features. Stein seemed to feel bad about it._

_“Don’t worry, Kid— he just needs to rest for a while. We all know it'd take more than that to kill him for good.”_

And what if it didn’t ?

What if he managed to break his neck before Blackstar could even try ? What if Maka _did_ die from his hands ? What if his friends never got away ?

Stein said the creature that took hold of him has burned to nothing due to Blackstar’s wavelength. However, he couldn’t stop thinking of what would’ve happened; living without them is a future he can’t run away from, and it almost turned into reality within an instant. It inched him over the edge, unraveling anxieties he didn’t know he had, leaving a bitter taste in his throat.

Feeling his eyelids grow heavy, Kid lets his head hit the futon. A few centimeters above him was _his_ hand, and right now he would give anything he had to hold it.

But he can’t. _Won’t,_ because he’s the next death god and he has a major role to play in the world. He had no time to love a human because he’s immortal; one of these days, his friends would run out of luck and expire just like everyone else.

Blackstar would, too.

 _That_ hurt the most.

* * *

It was real sunny and bright outside and the light was so blinding, he had to squint a little and immediately turn his back from it to hide.

It’s laughing so fucking loud. What an asshole.

The nightstand had a basket of fruits on it. He was still half-asleep, but his throat felt dry and he wanted an apple for some unknown reason so he reached for one. His entire body felt so sore, his bandages were in the way of his movements and he was annoyed by it.

However, before he even got a finger on the fruit, Tsubaki entered the room and was ecstatic to see him awake. There’s no trace of dark circles under her eyes, but exhaustion lined her shoulders and he could tell right away that she’s looked after him for a while.

“ ‘Sup,” Blackstar shoots her a grin, returning to the apple he’s straining to reach. 

“You’re finally up ! It’s been a _week,_ I was so worried !” She rushes right next to him and swats at his hand, making the meister pout and withdraw it. “I’ll slice your apples for you, so just lay still and _keep_ resting ! No working out for a week after you get discharged, too.”

“Excuse me ?” Blackstar raises a brow at that. “I can train _right now—“_

“No,” she glares at him. “Sit. You used too much of your wavelength with an injured body ! That’s beyond stupid, Star— you could’ve died !”

“I’m not dead, am I—“

Tsubaki stared in silence. There was a vibe in it that Blackstar didn’t like— so in turn, he swallowed a little, nervously turning away. “No training. Rest. Got it.”

The gentle smile returns to her features. “There we go,” she says, taking a knife from the basket. Blackstar leans back against the pillows.

“...Mind telling me what happened while I was gone ?” He shrugs, staring at the ceiling. Tsubaki humors him with a light snort.

“Everything’s been… Fine,I guess,” she shrugs, slicing an apple in half. “Maka’s still healing but she’s alive. Other than school work, which you often miss despite not being hospitalized, there’s nothing else you need to catch up on.”

“Ah, that’s cool then. I’ll pay her a visit when I get out of bed.”

……...

“What about Kid ?“ Blackstar squints at her when a teasing smirk grows in her lips, as if she made sure to leave it out of her recap just to get him to ask. “Yeesh, stop looking at me like that—“

“Alright, alright,” she finally finishes making rabbits out of apples, handing him the platter. “Kid is… Managing, somehow.”

“ _What,”_ Blackstar immediately inches closer. “What does that mean?“

Tsubaki sighs. “He’s not doing well with what happened… Liz said he refused to leave his room ever since he last went here.”

“...And when was that ?”

“Four days ago.”

That _prick._

Blackstar stares at the sliced apples on his lap, even more motivated to jump out of bed. He had a nagging feeling that Kid was overthinking things, blaming himself for something that didn’t even happen— going as far as to isolate himself from everyone. It pissed him off to no end because Blackstar wasn’t the type to let his friends sulk like that, may it be Maka or Soul or even Liz; it’s even worse because it was Kid and the thought of him hating himself put a bitter taste in his tongue.

“I’ll allow you to go to him if you finish eating everything in this fruit basket.”

Before he even realized it, his dear partner had placed a gentle hand over his. Tsubaki never failed to understand what he felt, may it be through their resonance or just with his eyes. “We’re worried about him, too. I have the feeling you’re the only one bold enough to drag him out of it.”

That was all he needed. 

* * *

  
  
Kid was sitting on his bed with a book in hand, startled by the sudden crash of his door being kicked down. He had just finished cleaning his room a few hours ago and was enjoying the peaceful silence before the entire fiasco—

Wood crunched underneath his boot but Blackstar didn’t give a shit. He’d ran all the way from the infirmary to the Gallows in the span of, whet, _five_ minutes ? His chest heaved and his breathing was ragged, but Blackstar was quick to recover.

“I’m alive, reaper boy, here’s your proof,” the blue-haired assassin declares in a hiss, clad in his pajamas and the bandages for his wounds. “Now, get up from that pathetic ass bed. You need some sun.”

He’s marching towards him at such a speed that made Kid panic. Hell, he wasn’t even given time to _respond—_

“How the fuck did you get in here ?!” He screeches at him, scooting back against his bed frame with frustration evident in his golden eyes. _No one_ told him Blackstar was awake, and with the way both Patty and Liz peeked at them from the doorway, he knew they had a part in bringing him here.

Liz saw him looking and immediately pretended to have passed by on accident.

Patty _waved._

“Gates don’t stop something as big as me,” Blackstar grins, cracking his knuckles. “Now, on your feet or I’ll carry you.” 

Ah, _shit_.

Kid fared well in decision-making in battle, but with crap like this ? _Please._ He’s still in his goddamn pajamas and his hair looked a lot like a bird’s nest— he had no plans of showing his face out there, not when he looked anything less than perfect.

~~And certainly not when he went mad and almost killed his friends _and_ him. ~~

“I’m locked in here for a reason,” he grumbles, returning his gaze to his book. “Leave.”

“ _What_ reason ?” The more Blackstar stomped towards the reaper, the more he shrunk further in the bed. He kept glancing between him and his book.

“I don’t want to go outside. I’m not in the mood.”

“That’s a load of bullshit,” he stops right next to him. “You’re not Soul— you’re not an antisocial hermit.”

As soon as he mentioned Soul, Kid flinched and turned away. It didn’t go unnoticed.

“There we go,” Blackstar sighs, crossing his arms. “I knew you were overthinking things.”

“ _Leave,_ Star.” Kid glared at him now, but the knucklehead didn’t budge. At the threat, he swooped down to pick the shinigami up in his arms, causing the ravenette to gasp.

“Put me _down !_ ” he yelled, only for Blackstar to snort. Kid started to struggle but it didn’t do anything _at all—_ this man was ridiculously strong and it pissed him off.

“I warned you.”

“I will _kill_ you.”

“You clearly failed, Kid, seeing as I’m still alive and kicking.”

He brings him to the window. With one swing with his foot, Blackstar kicks the massive glass and shatters it into tiny pieces, giving Kid another reason to fucking _lose_ it.

“ _Stop_ wrecking my room !”

“Sorry. Hands are occupied.”

“ _Then put me down ?!_ ”

“You’ll run back to bed,” the assassin shrugs, stepping on the window sill. The afternoon breeze blew against his hair and the sun was on its way to setting— the light from it made him look as if he was glowing, and Kid did _not_ have the time to be flustered.

But the wind made him double over.

“Wait, what are you planning to do—“

“I’m jumping,” Blackstar grins down at him, something he guessed that effectively turned his cheeks red. “Your babysitters are in the hallway— I’m giving them a nice show.”

“You are _not_ jumping,” Kid gave him a pointed glare, taking a peek below. It wasn’t too high, not for them at least— he wouldn’t break a bone but this entire thing was fucking embarrassing. He’s a death god, for Death’s sake— if he’s seen being carried around like a princess, he’d never live it down.

“On three,” Blackstar starts, averting his gaze to look below them. “One.”

“ _Star—“_

“Three.”

A small screech left him when the assassin hopped off from his window, the sudden jolt from landing on his feet rattling his head. Thankfully, the idiot _finally_ put him down, a triumphant grin stuck in his face.

“Tada !” Blackstar puts his hands on his waist as if he just finished his job. “Outdoors, fresh air, sun. ‘Ya done overthinking yet ?”

That was _it_.

Kid was beyond frustrated at this point, staggering on his _bare feet._ The feeling of dust and dirt and possible germs on his skin sent his OCD bursting like an overfilled water balloon, not to mention his now-wrecked-room and this— _this_ man on its own—

“Are you _nuts ?!”_ Kid screams at him from the top of his lungs, rendering the assassin speechless. “I was _trying_ to fucking stay away from everyone ! Soul can’t even look at me, Maka almost bled to death, Tsubaki almost snapped in half in _my_ hands, and you—“

His voice cracked at the last word. Blackstar merely watched, the bright expression in his face replaced with a soft, solemn one, as if he’d been waiting for him to admit all of that. Kid hated that look in his eyes; it felt a lot like pity and he didn’t want any of it.

“Me, what—” Blackstar shoved his hands in his pockets. “Almost died ? That’s what you’re on about ?”

“That’s just _insensitive_.”

“No, Kid,” Blackstar softly shrugs, sinking to the floor in an indian sit. The Gallows had a fairly wide yard and the setting sun was visible, his teal eyes pinned to it. “You’re being sad for no reason. You’re sulking for _no reason_ . It’s not like I died for real— why do you act as if I’m _that_ weak ?”

It was his turn to be speechless. Blackstar spares him a glance before patting the space next to him.

“Talk to me,” his voice had no trace of aggressiveness or anger in it, but Kid can tell he was serious. “Tell me why, because I can’t understand why you’re acting so out of character.”

His words caught Kid off-guard. Blackstar never showed this side of him to everyone; he’s known for his loud mouth and stubborn, child-like confidence, but he knows when to be mature about certain things. He’d rarely talk with words laced with his emotions, but when he does, everyone in the room could feel the intensity of it.

He’s hesitant, but Kid did as told. He took a seat next to him and let go of a heavy sigh, staring at the sun. The sky was a golden orange and it was pleasing to the eye, which would’ve felt comforting if not for his lack of communication abilities. Blackstar awaits his words with his eyes pinned to the sun as well; maybe he didn’t want to put pressure on him, maybe he just had nothing to look at— whatever the reason, he was thankful for it.

“...I’m a death god,” Kid finally starts, words heavy and reluctant. “I feel like everyone around me would die in the future, and… I’m not ready for that. I don’t want to lose my friends, and last week— it almost happened and I was scared.”

“So you thought isolation is your best bet ?” 

“...Yeah. I thought if I was cut off from everyone, I wouldn’t need to be scared of losing them.”

Now that he’d said it, Kid figured that it _does_ sound dumb. His friends are a strong bunch; Maka may seem fragile and fair, but that woman could deck a monster twice her size and scare it with a glare. Blackstar is strong on his own— stronger with Tsubaki— and he’s still alive because of that.

But being a death god among humans wasn’t easy. Everyday, he’s reminded of his duties and the fate he’d suffer when they’ve overstayed their time on Earth; he’s set to be alone, someday, like how his father did. It was a fear that endlessly bothered his thoughts despite the calm facade he had on the outside, and the face of war didn't help ease his anxieties about it.

Birds chirped all around them. The mansion is surrounded by trees and leaves are falling along with the wind. It was a peaceful sunset despite the underlying madness in the air, and times like these were hard to find moments before a war— even more so with him sitting by his side.

The calm before the storm. Maybe this was it.

“I’ve talked to Maka before I went here,” Blackstar breaks the silence, playing with a fallen leaf from the ground. “She said she’s fine and she just needs to rest for a bit.”

“...That’s good,” Kid mumbles back in response, images of a bloodied hand and the mentioned meister flashing before his eyes—

“They don’t blame you, Kid,” Blackstar shoots him with the softest stare yet, as if he saw the same thing he did. Kid could tell he was trying to be reassuring— and it’s working, for some unknown reason— but all he could do was avert his gaze. “They understand it was out of your control. Soul took a while, but he's forgiven even Crona for almost cutting him in half; he’s forgiven you, too.”

Blackstar then clears his throat. “As for me— you have a _lot_ of nerve to think I’d die like that. That’s insulting.”

Kid raises a brow at him. “Stein said you almost did.”

“Yeah, and ? Am I dead ?” The assassin huffs, crossing his arms. “I’m not. I know what I was doing— I wanted to snap you back to your senses and I did.”

“You’re an idiot,” Kid grumbles under his breath, turning away. “It’s not just… _that.”_

“Were you scared I’d never wake up again ?” Blackstar smirks at him, finding humor in his concern. “And here I thought you’re endlessly annoyed by my Godly Prese—”

“Yes, I was,” Kid shrugs nonchalantly despite the bitter taste in his tongue. “I was scared last week was the day you’d run out of luck. I was scared you were just dying _slowly._ You saved me twice; half the injuries you’re still healing from came from _me,_ and I’ve troubled you enough to make you barge in here even when you were told to keep resting for a few days. That puts me in a bad place with my head.”

Blackstar’s way of viewing the entire thing pissed him off to no end, but he knows it’s just the way he is; a knucklehead, a brat who did what he wanted, someone who’s fluent with fighting but not so much with words— a man who believes he's beyond the mortal rules of life, and someone who might as well be. The only reason it didn’t sit well with him is because he’s so willing to sell his life for others, throwing his body away for the sake of everyone else.

The aforementioned assassin was stunned, to say the least. Blackstar didn’t expect him to be overly honest about it; tension lined his shoulders and golden eyes were filled with… Anger ? No, it didn’t feel like anger— it felt more like self-blame and… Something else he couldn’t wrap his head around.

“When I woke up, you were coughing blood and you were hurt everywhere. I don’t understand how you take injuries so lightly— is it a humans-only thing ? Is that why I can’t figure it out ?” He’s evidently frustrated. “Even Maka downplayed how bad her wound was. You do that _all_ the time. You love pretending your wounds— emotional or not— don’t hurt at all, and you love pretending what happened wasn’t a big deal when it was. It _is._ ”

Kid finally turns to face him. “I almost killed you. If we were to switch places and I almost died in your hands, I think you’d fare the same as I.”

Something with his words and the way his eyes glowed from the sunset hit Blackstar with a realization, something that felt like a pat on the back. It took him a while to accept that he’d grown to adore everything about him _so_ much, to feel so strongly for him to voluntarily drop _anything_ to run to Kid’s aid, may it be his ego or his life.

 _“It’ll all fall into place,”_ was what Tsubaki said, and she was right.

At the same second, it all made sense; if Kid and him switched places, he'd be beyond devastated. He’d stab himself the moment he snaps back to his senses, even if it only lasts two seconds, just to make sure he wasn’t hurt or anything. He hopped into the depths of a strange book and madness to single-handedly drag him out of it— he’s got his eyes set on him since day one, and somewhere in the middle, his competitive stance turned into one of adoration. Then, _love_.

He loved all of his friends but only now did he realize that it felt _way_ different with him, because he only loved Maka enough to defend her from attacks— he loved Tsubaki as the mom and the sister he never had, and he loved the others as the family he found along the way...

But he loved Kid more than his goals and the thought of transcendence. He loved him more than godhood, because he’d willingly lose a thousand fights if it meant he’d get to stay by his side.

With an answer in mind, Blackstar straightens up, turning to him in a fit of determination.

“You sure you wanna know why ?” He asks with no trace of reluctance. The question urges a confused look from the reaper.

“What ?”

“I’m asking if you’re sure you want to know. I have an answer.”

Kid couldn’t help but snort a little, finding it absurd. “I’m certain, yeah—“

He was cut off when a pair of rough, bandaged hands pulled him close by his collar, sealing the distance between them with a kiss. It was sudden; first came surprise, then his duties and whatever reason he had to hold back from it had gone down the drain. Once, for the first time, he gave in to his feelings and he didn’t care if he was a god.

For someone who often busted his lip from fights, Blackstar had the softest pair. Kid finds himself melting into his hands with his eyes closed, drowning in the presence of his wavelength; it was warm and soothing— full of life unlike what he felt in his recent dreams. The kiss was fervent and passionate albeit not aggressive, and he got the message he was trying to convey.

 _I love you— more than love. I don’t even know what love_ really _is but I know it has something to do with staying and keeping you safe._

Kid’s hands find their way through his hair.

_I love you too._

Time stood still for them. _Good,_ was all Blackstar thought, because fuck it if anything decided to interrupt them now. Things have fallen into place and he has a weird tickling feeling in his stomach— was it butterflies ? He didn’t eat any, so maybe not— but it was a good feeling and he enjoyed every second of it. Kid tasting like coffee and him wearing vanilla-scented perfume wasn’t news to him; he’d spent time in the Gallows and he’d seen his (unhealthy) love for caffeine first hand. Blackstar had the knack for fiddling with things and he did so with the cloth of his collar, letting the kiss linger until both had to pull away to breathe.

The silence that came between them when they parted was comfortable; soft, hushed breathing, foreheads pressed against each other as an airy chuckle left Kid, who can’t seem to look him in the eyes all of a sudden.

“Funny how that answers two things for us,” Blackstar snorts, moving his bangs out of the way and placing a soft kiss on his forehead. “Done overthinking things now, Death God ?”

“Maybe, maybe not,” Kid hums. “We still have a war to fight.”

That, and the entire Mortality Is Not Something Mortals Can Run Away From. However, Kid decided to put it in the back-burner of his head for now, because Blackstar being touchy and clingy wasn’t an everyday thing.

“Asura ?” The assassin playfully scoffs, pulling him close for a hug. “Nah, we’ll kick his ass in no time. I’ll be there, so we’ll win for sure.”

“Do you _ever_ get tired of the amount of arrogance you have ?” Kid turns to raise a brow at him, attempting to look unaffected despite the grin in his features. Blackstar nestles his chin on his shoulder, spiky hair tickling the other’s neck and causing him to laugh.

“You know you love me,” he mumbles as he locks the reaper in his hold. Kid made no effort to get out of it. “I love you, so I kissed you— and you kissed me _back_. I’ve connected two dots.”

“Or _maybe_ you didn’t connect shit, _”_ Kid rolls his eyes, but nestles himself in his arms anyway. “Maybe I wasn’t given any other choice. You stuck around and I got used to it.”

“Saying _‘I love you’_ back takes less breath, Kid _.”_

Kid chuckles, leaning to give him a peck on his cheek in consolation. 

“Fine. I love you too.”

  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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